


Figure It Out

by aprylynn



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2231808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprylynn/pseuds/aprylynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deeks has resigned from NCIS and is avoiding Kensi. After two weeks, she's had enough. She's prepared to do what ever it takes to get her partner back. Takes place after Descent (Episode 4x24).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story in August 2013. It was based on spoilers release during the hiatus before season 5. Rebecca (YourSmileLaughEverything) was my awesome beta on this story and I can't thank her enough for her support :)

Kensi sat in her car outside Deeks' apartment building. It had been two weeks since she last saw him. Two weeks since he turned in his resignation at NCIS. Two weeks since he stopped answering the phone when she called.

She couldn't begin to imagine what he was going through. Hearing the accounts of what happened after he and Sam were captured made her physically ill. Sidorov and his men turned her cheerful, optimistic, humorous partner into a withdrawn, fearful shell of who he once was. His physical wounds healed quickly, but the memories of the torture he endured lingered and haunted him.

She tried to give him some space, even though she desperately wanted to talk about the last argument they had which led to the kiss. She couldn't stop thinking about it: how the shock of suddenly feeling his lips against hers quickly changed to heat and desire. Her brain stalled after he pulled away, but she came out of the fog and realized she had a job to do. She had to follow and back up Michelle.

Months went by and she couldn't get herself to bring it up. She kept telling herself that she would wait until he seemed better, but he wasn't getting better. Before she had berated him for having poor communication skills, but she knew she was just as bad. She didn't know how to talk to him anymore. He seemed so distant, so not Deeks. She wanted to help him in whatever way she could... but she just didn't know how.

Then one day it was too late. It was after 10 o'clock in the morning and there was no sign of him at work. Hetty asked her to come into her office. She felt like someone had slapped her across the face when she was told that he turned in his resignation the day before. How could he do that without an explanation, without a good bye, without anything?

So here she was, sitting in her car, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do or say. She took a deep breath and finally opened the car door.  _You have to do this, Blye. He would do the same for you._

* * *

She knocked on his door and waited. She knew he was home. His car was parked outside and she could hear Monty inside whining. Nothing happened, so she knocked again.

"Deeks, it's me, Kensi." Nothing. "Please open the door." Still nothing. "Don't make me break out my lock-picking skills. You can't hide from me forever."

She started to hear movement inside and her heart raced. The locks were unbolted and the door swung open and there he was. A wave of emotions swept over her as her eyes fell on him: relief, heartbreak, affection, fear. His normally vibrant blue eyes seemed dull and lifeless. His face was expressionless as he stood there.  _Ok, the door is open. That's a start._

"Uh, hi. Can... can I come in?" She kicked herself for being so flustered. This was really difficult for her, but she had to push through.

"I guess so." He stepped out of the way, let her in, and shut the door.

"How have you been?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them.  _How do you think he's been, you idiot? This is already not going well._

He didn't answer. He just looked away.

"I've tried calling you... and... haven't heard anything back. I've been really worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

Kensi wasn't buying that for a second. She's the one who was famous for saying fine when she's not fine... and right now she knows he's not fine.

"Deeks. It's me you're talking to. I know you're not fine."

"Well, I don't know what else to say."

He wasn't even looking at her. It hurt so much to see him like this, but she wasn't backing down.

"You left without saying good bye. Without saying anything."

He laughed, but there was no humor in it. His laughter normally was pleasant and comforting and infectious. This was none of those things.

"I didn't think anyone would be sad to see me go."

"How can you say that? You've been a part of the team for years... we're a family..."

"Really, Kensi? You really believe that? I saw the way people looked at me, like now I'm something damaged. Like I'm something fragile to be carefully handled and managed. Like I'm not capable of doing my job."

"No one thinks that..."

"Come on, Kens, give me a break. I know Hetty and Callen don't think they can depend on me anymore. I could 'lose it' at any moment and put the whole team at risk. And Sam? Sam has never thought that I deserved to be there. Apparently I'm lacking in the character department."

"Deeks..."

"And, you know what? Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't deserve to be there. Maybe I never belonged there."

She knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it was going worse than she feared. She tried frantically to think of what to say. She had to get through to him. She just had to.

"Ok... but what about me? Do you wonder what I think of you? Whether or not I want you there?"

He didn't say anything as he just stared at the floor. Part of her was relieved because at least he had stopped arguing for the moment.

"In case you're wondering, I do want you there."

"Why?"

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.  _Why was this so difficult? Why is it so hard for me just to say how I feel?_

"I see you still have terrible communication skills," he said bitterly.

"Well, at least I'm trying to communicate. That's more than I can say about you."

For a second, she worried that she'd gone too far, that he would get angry and make her leave. Something like anger flashed across his face and then was gone. They stood there, holding each other's gaze, unsure of what to say next. Finally, he spoke.

"Ok. You want communication. Fine. Every morning when I wake up, I think I'm still in that room. Every time I try to fall asleep, I hear that drill. Every time someone gets close to me, I feel like I'm tied up in that chair again. I can't hold it together. I feel like at any moment, I could just lose it. I can't focus on anything, no matter how simple. How am I supposed to do my job when I'm like this? How are you supposed to depend on me? Your life is in my hands every time we work on a case. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I'm not able to protect you and have your back like I should... like I once could."

_Now, we're getting somewhere. This is good. I have to keep him going._

"Ok, Deeks, I can understand that. What you went through was... beyond what I can imagine. I would never think less of you for not bouncing back to work right away. But why shut me out completely? You have been a ghost these past two weeks. I've called, I've texted, I've left messages. It's ok if you think you can't work with me right now, but what about everything else? What about that kiss? What about what we feel for each other?"

"Seriously, Kensi? I'm a mess and you want to talk about that kiss, about our feelings for each other? I'm not even capable of getting through one day without feeling like I'm going insane. That guy who kissed you? I don't know what happened to him. I don't know how to be him anymore."

Her heart was breaking for him, but she knew this was good. If they were to ever have any kind of future together, they had to get through this first.

"I can help you. I want to help you. Deeks, I want to do whatever I can to get you through this. You don't have to do this alone." She took a hesitant step towards him.

"We can't do this, Kensi. I'd hate to put you through this. I'm a mess. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't know how to go back to what I was. I don't know if I ever can be what I once was. That's too much to put you through. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to see me this way"

Kensi closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She once lost a man she loved because of this same thing... but this time she was determined not to let it happen again.

"Deeks, it's too late. I'm already in this too deep. If I let you walk away now and I never see you again, I could never live with myself."

"Kens, listen..."

"No, you listen! There's a reason I made you promise to never get yourself killed. Deeks, I don't want to be without you."

She raised her hand and gently placed it on his stubbled cheek. She was amazed at the sense of relief that washed over her just from that simple touch. She held his gaze, never turning from his sad blue eyes. "Yes, it hurts to see you like this... but it hurts more not to see you at all."

She felt him relax ever so slightly and she saw the faintest hint a smile in the corner of his mouth. Moments past and just as she going to take her hand away, he stepped forward and drew her into his arms. He buried his face into her neck as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I don't know what to do, Kens. I don't know how to be me anymore," he whispered softly.

"We'll figure it out, Deeks. I promise. We'll figure it out together."

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kensi opened her eyes and registered her surroundings. She had fallen asleep on the couch with Deeks. He was lying on his back and she was curled into his side, tucked under his arm. She could tell that it was still early, so she tried not to wake him as she got up. He really needed the rest, since he had woken several times because of nightmares. She was there to remind him where he was and that he was safe. After his breathing and heart rate slowed he would lie back down and drift off again. Her heart broke because of this hell he was living. It made her even more determined to help him through it.

Kensi went outside to her car, took out her phone and dialed. After a couple rings, a familiar voice answered.

"Miss Blye, good morning. I assume that it's important given how early it is."

"I'm sorry, Hetty. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be in today."

"Is everything alright, dear?"

"I'm fine. I went to Deeks' apartment last night to try and find him. Thankfully, he let me in, and we spent some time talking."

Hetty sighed. "Kensi, I'm so happy to hear that. How is he?"

"He's in pretty bad shape. I ended up staying here with him. He's still asleep now. I'd like to spend some more time with him today, maybe talk to him about getting some help. He's trying to work all this out on his own... but it's just too much."

"Well, I'll certainly agree to that. I'll give you today with him. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Mr. Deeks may have resigned, but he's still family as far as I'm concerned."

"Thank you, Hetty. I'm not really sure at all how I should approach this with him. I really hope he listens to me."

"I have complete faith in you. If there is anyone who can get through to him, I know without a doubt that it's you."

* * *

 

She let herself back into his apartment and was glad to see he was still asleep. She went into the kitchen and started making coffee. As it was brewing, she leaned against the counter and started to think.  _What can I do to help him? What can I do to get through to him?_ Her eye caught something in the corner of the room and she got an idea. Then she heard him stirring awake. She grabbed a mug, filled it, and brought it into the other room. He was sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Good morning. I made some coffee."

"Thanks. I didn't think you'd still be here. Don't you have to get to work?"

"Nope. I already called Hetty and told her I won't be in today."

He looked at her suspiciously over the top of his mug.

"I thought maybe we could spend some time together today."

"Kensi, you don't have to do that. You can't take a day off just to babysit me."

"Listen, Hetty is more than okay with me spending time with you. You know, she's worried about you, too. Besides, I'm kind of between partners at the moment, so work can wait."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Fine, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, it's been a while since we've gone surfing together. And I'd be willing to guess based on the layer of dust on your board that you haven't gone at all in a while, either."

"Surfing? You want to ditch work and go surfing with me?"

"Yes. It's something that you love to do. You've always talked about how it helps you relax and makes you feel free. I think it'll be good for you to start doing things you love again. Get some exercise, fresh air, spend time with your favorite person in the world."

He stared into his coffee. "This isn't going to make things magically better."

"I know... but I think you'll have fun and... I'd really like to spend the day with you."

He was silent for several moments. Kensi prayed that he would say yes. This was the only idea she had and she hoped it would work.

"Okay. I guess I can't say no to surfing."

"Awesome! I'll go home and get ready. I'll be back here in a little bit."

* * *

 

Kensi sat on the beach with her board next to her. She and Deeks had spent hours in the water. She was resting now, but he wanted to stay out. As she watched him ride the waves, a small spark of hope was ignited inside her. He admitted that he had not been surfing since he was rescued and it felt so good to see him do something he loved, something that was a part of him. She knew that this was not the answer to his problems, but just for the fact that he finally left his apartment, she considered it a victory.

She saw him walking towards her with his board under his arm. He set it down and sat next to her.

"It turned out to be a beautiful day. Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Yes, I did. Uh, thanks for dragging me out here. This... this felt better than I thought it would."

She smiled at him. "Well, I'll be nice and not say 'I told you so!' "

He smiled back. "That's awfully big of you."

* * *

 

They made their way back to Deeks' apartment and decided to order some food. They were at his kitchen table with their pizza and beer.

"So I was thinking... "

"Yes?" he seemed a little nervous at what she might say.

"I think we should do this every day."

He laughed. "That would be nice, but I doubt Hetty would let you skip work every day to go surfing."

"That's not really what I meant. I mean we should spend time together every day. Just because we're not partners anymore doesn't mean we shouldn't see each other. I could get up early and we could go surfing before I go to work. Or we could go running. Or I could come over later and we could watch TV or a movie."

"You that worried that I'll become a hermit or something?"

"Kind of." She looked down at her plate. "Plus... I've really missed you. It's been a long, boring couple weeks without you."

She looked up into his eyes and smiled slightly. He pressed his lips together and nodded.

"I missed you, too."

"Well, then it's settled. No more hiding from me."

He smiled and shook his head. "As if I could."

"Um... there was something else I wanted to talk to you about." She was really nervous now. As great as today had gone, she knew that he was still struggling and he needed help. She knew that neither of them were equip to handle this on their own. "Have you talked to anyone about... you know... what happened? Like a counselor or something?"

He took a deep breath and looked away.  _Please, don't shut me out._  They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity to Kensi, but she didn't back down. She waited for him to respond.

"No, I haven't... I don't know... I guess I just wanted to shut down and not think about it. Talking to someone... I don't know... just seemed too real, too scary."

Kensi listened and carefully thought about what to say. She really felt uncomfortable with this. She was never one who was great at expressing herself or giving advice, but she had to now. For him.

"Deeks, I hate that you're suffering through this on your own. I want to help you, but I can't give you all the help you need. My best idea was surfing and as fun as that was, it's not all you need."

He still wasn't looking at her. He looked sad and defeated. She reached across the table and placed her hand gently on his forearm.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Why is it so scary?"

"What if I'm never the same? What if I go talk to someone and drag up all those memories... and I don't get any better?"

"I have faith in you. You are too strong to let anyone take away who you are."

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"Well, at least then we'll know."

"Touché."

Neither of them could fight the smiles that spread across their faces at the sound of Deeks saying "their word." Touché had started as a joke, a tease. Then it became their thing, something they'd say to each other at every opportunity. It was silly, but it was also a reminder of their history, the connection they shared. Now, it was like music to Kensi's ears, the sound of normalcy in the midst of the turmoil.

"Look, you don't have to decide right away, but don't think that I'm going to let this go. You know how stubborn and persistent I can be."

"Oh, I know. I recall last night wanting to be left alone while someone was threatening to break down my door."

* * *

 

They moved to the other room and decided to watch a movie. They sat on the couch together in peaceful silence. When the movie ended, Kensi knew it was time to call it a day.

"I should go. You're right about Hetty not letting me off the hook tomorrow. So, what do you want to do tomorrow? You decide."

"Well, it felt really good to go surfing today. Let's do that."

"You're on, beach boy. I'll be here bright and early, ready to show you up again."

"In your dreams, Kens! I may be rusty, but it won't be long before I'm surfing circles around you."

"I'll hold you to that."

* * *

 

Later that night, she was drifting off to sleep, when her phone alerted her to a new text message. It was from Deeks.

_I'll talk to someone._

Kensi grinned as she typed out her response.  _Wore you down already?_ _  
_

_I didn't think there was much point in fighting. You've made it pretty clear that I can't escape you._

_You got that right._

_Good night, Kens. And thank you for everything._

_Good night, Deeks. And you're welcome._


	3. Chapter 3

Kensi walked into OSP the next morning and felt better than she had in months. Even though she hated getting up early, she was so excited for the chance to go surfing with Deeks again. They couldn't spend as much time in the water as the day before, but he seemed to have a good time and was in even better spirits.

He hadn't mentioned the text he sent her the night before, but that didn't worry her. He said he would talk to someone and she believed him. They just had to work out the details.

When she got inside, she walked right past the bullpen where Sam and Callen were sitting. She was glad to see that Hetty was alone at her desk. She approached their operations manager and said good morning.

"Miss Blye, good to see you this morning. Have a seat. I'm anxious to hear how everything went yesterday."

"It went really well. I didn't want to immediately bring up going to counseling. I thought that might shut him down. So the first thing I did was suggest that we go surfing."

"Ah, that was an excellent idea on your part."

"He was reluctant at first. He hadn't gone since he was rescued and I'm pretty sure he hadn't left his apartment much since he resigned. Anyway, we had a nice time and he actually seemed a little like his old self when he was in the water. Later in the day, I brought up the idea of him getting help."

"And what did he say?"

"He didn't say anything at first, but he texted me later that night saying he would talk to someone."

Hetty smiled and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Miss Blye, you have no idea how happy that makes me."

"Me, too... I was so afraid that I would lose him like..." Kensi couldn't finish her thought.

" ... like your fiancé?"

She nodded as she tried to compose herself.

"Well, as long as we have something to say about it, that will not happen. I will do everything in my power to make sure he gets better."

"Thank you."

"I must commend you on your efforts to reach him. I myself have tried for the past two weeks to call him with no luck. I've been very troubled by the change in him since his ordeal. Now, as far as finding a counselor for him, you leave that to me. You just keep doing what you're doing and be there for him and don't let him shut you out."

"Will do, Hetty. I think he got the message the other night that he can't get away from me. I kept knocking and he was ignoring me, so I threatened to pick the lock on his front door."

Hetty laughed and clapped her hands together. "Miss Blye, he is lucky to have you as his friend!"

* * *

 

Kensi made her way to her desk and sat down. She could feel Sam and Callen staring at her but she ignored them for a couple minutes. Finally, she couldn't stay silence any longer.

"Something on your minds, boys?"

They looked at each other and then Callen turned to her and spoke up first.

"We were just wondering where you were yesterday."

"Didn't Hetty tell you?"

"No, she just gave us some cryptic statement about you having to take care of something."

"Well, if you must know, I was with Deeks yesterday. And the night before.

Sam's eyes lit up. "You saw Deeks? How is he?"

"He's... he's struggling, but I think I convinced him to get help. Hetty is working with me on that."

"That's good to hear. I know I never would have made it through the last few months without having someone to talk to. What they did to us... a person isn't capable of handling that on their own." Sam's eyes drifted towards his desk.

Kensi knew that something went on between Sam and Deeks the day they were captured and that Sam felt guilty about it. She had witnessed several occasions where Sam tried to talk to Deeks but he would just brush him off. There had always been tension between the two of them, but Kensi had just written it off as a difference of personality. After they were rescued, Deeks seemed cold and distant, but especially so towards Sam. She never bothered asking either of them about it and neither volunteered the information. After her tough conversations with Deeks over the past couple days, she was feeling bolder than usual.

"Sam, what happened between you two?"

He was still staring at his desk and he didn't answer right away. "I treated him different than I treat the rest of you. I would give him a hard time and question his abilities and his place on this team. Before we were captured, we were running surveillance with Michelle and he called me out on it. He wanted to know why I gave him so much crap. I told him it came down to his character. We never got to finish the conversation. Then after what we went through... after what I saw him endure... they kept at him and at him and he never once wavered. They wanted him to give up Michelle... and he refused."

Kensi could not believe what she was hearing. "Sam... how could you?"

"Kensi, I know that I could not have been more wrong about him and I've tried to talk to him about it. I owe my life to him. Michelle owes her life to him. So, if there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, I'll do it."

"That goes for me, too," said Callen. "We're a family here. It may be dysfunctional and screwed up and just plain weird at times, but still a family."

Kensi was still kind of shocked from Sam's confession. How could he say or think those things about her partner?  _No wonder Deeks said Sam never wanted him there._  After thinking about it for a little while, she had to focus on what she knew to be true about Sam. She had worked with him for a long time, longer than she'd worked with Deeks, and she knew that if he admitted that he was wrong about something, then he would not rest until he made it right.

"Thanks, you guys. Right now, I think what he needs the most is time. I'll let you know if there is anything you can do."

* * *

 

Around noon, Kensi got a text from Deeks.

_Hey I know we already went surfing this morning, but how would you feel about coming over after work, maybe order some dinner and watch tv._

Kensi smiled and felt her heart flutter. She couldn't believe that just two days ago he was completely ignoring her and now he was wanting to be with her.

_I'd love to, as long as I get to pick the food and the shows we watch and what's for dessert!_

_Any other demands?_

_Nope, that should do it. I'll see you later._

_See you.  
_

* * *

 

Kensi arrived at Deeks' apartment with their dinner from his favorite Thai restaurant. They ate in relative silence. He seemed less talkative and a little more distracted that he had the day before. Kensi tried not to worry about this. She had to remind herself that he wasn't going to be back to normal overnight and there were bound to be times that he would struggle with his thoughts and memories.

They moved to the couch and began flipping through the channels when there was a knock at the door that startled both of them. Deeks looked confused as he got up to answer it.

"Hetty! Uh, this is.. a pleasant surprise."

"Mr. Deeks, It's good to see. I dare say that it's been too long."

"Come on in."

"Why thank you. Hello, Kensi. I can't stay long. I just wanted to inform you of something.

"Okay?" Deeks wasn't sure what to make of this visit.

"I hope you don't mind, but Miss Blye told me of your decision to seek counseling."

"Yeah, I figured she would share that with you. Besides, even if she didn't, I know you have your sneaky ways of finding these things out."

"Cheeky as always, Mr. Deeks." Although her tone sounded harsh, there was a spark in her eyes that gave away her affection for the detective. "I wanted to let you know that I think I found the perfect person for the job."

"Okay, who?"

"Our own Nate Getz."

"Nate? But isn't he... well, everywhere but here? How is that going to work?"

"I pulled a few strings and I called in a few favors and it seems that Mr. Getz will be assigned to the Los Angeles area for the next few months."

"Hetty, you didn't have to..."

"Mr. Deeks, I'm only going to say this once. Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do for those that I care about. It is my top priority that you get the care that you need and I will stop at nothing to make sure that happens."

Deeks was speechless. He always knew that Hetty cared about him, but right now he was overwhelmed by her support and by the efforts she made on his behalf.

"Now, I will leave you two be. Miss Blye, I will see you tomorrow. And Mr. Deeks, I will have Nate contact you as soon as he arrives.'

"Hetty, I... uh, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Just focus on getting well."

"Okay. Good night, Hetty, and thank you."

"Good night."

He shut the door and turned to look Kensi.

"Did you know she was going to do that?"

"No, not completely. She told me she would take care of finding someone for you, but I didn't know she was thinking of Nate. How do you feel about it?"

Deeks brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his chin. "I don't know... I guess it's a good thing. Honestly, I was pretty freaked out after I sent that message to you last night. The idea of talking to someone... it's still pretty terrifying... but I guess since it's Nate, it shouldn't be so bad."

Kensi smiled at him and then patted the seat on the couch next to her. "Come on, let's watch something. I'll even let you pick."

"Wow, this day just keeps getting better and better."

"Sit down and shut up."

"Whatever you say!"


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi was heading toward the door at OSP when she saw a familiar face.

"Nate! What are you doing here?" She reached up and gave him a hug.

"I was actually here to see you. Do you have a couple minutes?"

"Um... I was going to question a witness for a case we're working on... "

"Do you mind if I ride with you? It'll be like old times."

"You mean the one day you were my partner and you did nothing but get in my way? Those old times?!"

"Hey, that hurts! I have fond memories of that day. Sure, I was terrible, but we had fun."

"You had fun. I was stuck babysitting!"

"Very funny, Kens."

"Alright, come along with me. We'll see if you're any good now."

They got into Kensi's SRX and headed off.

"There was something that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"It's about Deeks."

Kensi was silent as she gripped the steering wheel tighter and bite her bottom lip. Deeks had been seeing Nate for a few weeks now. She was still spending time with him everyday, but she didn't really know how the sessions were going. He had appointments with Nate a couple times a week and it was always while she was at work. She couldn't bring herself to ask and Deeks wasn't volunteering any information. However, she did take comfort in the fact that he seemed to have more good days than bad.

"I would like to have a session with the two of you together, at the same time."

"Really?! What for?!"

"Well, there's something that he's struggling with and I think it would be good for you to be there when we talk about it. Especially since I have a suspicion that you may be struggling with the same thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"There are some things that he feels guilty about and some of them involve you. And I think it would be good for him to talk to you about it."

"How does he feel about this? About me being there?"

"He's willing to do it if you are."

"You said that I may be struggling with the same thing. What makes you think I'm feeling guilty?"

"Kensi, your partner was captured and tortured and you weren't there to help him when it happened. That was not your fault because you had another job to do, but I think I know you well enough to say that you probably feel guilty about that."

She looked straight ahead and didn't say anything.

"Well, I'm going to assume that I'm right about that. You shouldn't be carrying around that guilt, especially since you didn't do anything wrong. And I think it will help both of you if you talked about it with each other."

"Um... I don't know, Nate."

"Look, I know that this kind of thing isn't easy for you, but I'll be there and you've trusted me in the past..."

"I still do."

Nate smiled at her. "Thanks."

Kensi took a deep breath and let it out. "You think it will really help him?"

"Yes, I do. And you, too."

She sighed. "Okay, then I'll do it."

"Great. I'm meeting with him tomorrow at noon. Can you be there?"

"Yeah, I think I can make that happen."

"Great. This is going to be a good thing, Kensi."

"Yeah, you better be right."

* * *

 

Kensi couldn't remember ever being this nervous.

Nate greeted her warmly. "Come on in. Sit down."

"Thanks."

There were three chairs set in a circle facing each other. They all sat down and Kensi noticed that Deeks seemed really nervous, too.

"Okay. You both know why I asked you to be here together and what I'd like us to talk about. With regards to Deeks, there are some regrets that he has that are kind of hanging him up and I think in order to move forward, he needs to share them with you, Kensi."

They glanced at each other and Deeks gave her a small smile. She returned it and tried to relax.

"And Kensi, I hope that you will feel free to be honest here as well. If there is anything that is bothering you, this is the time to say it."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Deeks, why don't we start with you since this is something you and I have already talked about."

"Right. Okay. Sounds good." Yes, he was nervous. "I, uh, I've been feeling like..." He looked right at Kensi and meet her gaze. "I feel bad for how I treated you after I was rescued. I... I didn't know how to process what I'd been through and I thought that I could do it by myself. I hated what I was going through and I hated that other people saw me struggle. Somehow, I thought that pushing everyone away would give me a chance to get it together, so I just kept everyone at arms length... until you wouldn't let me anymore." He chuckled apprehensively and continued. "I see now how much I was probably hurting you by doing that... and I wanted to say that I'm sorry. You've done nothing but try to help me... and I feel awful for how I treated you."

Kensi was floored. "Deeks, I... I can't blame you for acting that way. You were going through a lot."

"I know and I know that I wasn't capable of seeing what I was doing to you at the time, but I am now and I feel terrible for it... and I hope you'll forgive me."

Kensi struggled to find the words. Yes, she had been hurt by how he treated her. In the months that went by after his rescue, she had felt so alone. It was as though her partner did die and was replaced by someone she didn't even recognize. He was distance, short-tempered, dark, cold... and hearing him acknowledge this was beyond anything she was expecting.

"Of course, Deeks. I could never hold that against you."

He let out a breath as if he had been holding it a long time. "Thank you."

There was silence for a few moments and then Nate spoke up. "Now, Kensi, is there anything you want to say to Deeks? Is there something that you've been holding in?"

Kensi tried to steady herself.  _How is it that I can run after violent criminals, get shot at all day long, and yet talking about my feelings is what terrifies me?_ "Alright... I guess I've been feeling guilty about something, too. Deeks, you were my partner... and you got captured and hurt. It was suppose to be my job as your partner to have your back... and I wasn't there to help you when you needed it the most. I know that I had another job to do. I had to back up Michelle and I know she would have died if I hadn't been there... but I just can't shake the feeling that you needed me more. You could have died... I could have lost you... and there was nothing I could do about it because I wasn't there." Kensi was fighting back her emotions. Her eyes were burning and she furiously tried to blink back tears. Her throat felt as though it was closing up.

Deeks reached over and grabbed her hand. "It's okay. You found me. You save me. I've never doubted that you always have my back."

She smiled and looked away, afraid that she would lose control of herself.

"Okay, good, Kensi. This is a good thing. Thank you for sharing that." Nate then turned to Deeks. "There was something else you wanted to say to Kensi."

"Yeah." He took his hand away from hers and ran it through his hair. "We had an argument before I was captured. It actually started a couple days before. And looking back on it, it was so stupid. At one point, I accused her of having terrible communication skills... but I wasn't being any better. I hated that we fought like that and I hate that I was making it worse. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I was doing the same thing, not saying what was really bothering me... and was just taking it out on you. I especially feel awful for the last thing I said, that it was frustrating working with you. When I think about it... that it could have been the last thing I ever got to say to you... I could never forgive myself if that happened. That I said something out of anger and it could have been the last thing..." She trailed off and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Kensi," Nate spoke softly. "If you could do it all over again, what would you want to say to him? If it was the last time you were to see him?"

She absolutely knew what she would want to say... but she couldn't say it now, not with Nate here, not with the way things were between her and Deeks, but she still had to say something true, something she actually meant. She took a deep breath and looked right into his perfect blue eyes. "I would say... that I loved working with you every day. You made me better at my job and you made me a better person."

It was Deeks' turn to look down.

"Ok, I think this was a good start. Now that you two have gotten that out, it's time to move forward. Deeks, you can't change what you did in the past. You were not in you're right mind and you shouldn't feel responsible for how you were acting. What you can do is continue with your treatment and don't push people away anymore. Now that Kensi knows how you feel, I hope you won't continue to be hung up by something you can't change. Keep looking forward, not back. Kensi, it's only natural that you feel bad for not being there for your partner, but I don't want that to consume your life. You are only human and you can't be in two places at once. If you had stayed with Deeks, then Michelle would have probably died and you would feel guilty about that instead. You feel bad for not being there for him, but he's still here. He's here and he tells me that you're the reason he sought help in the first place. You've proven that you are there for him when he needs you. Stop feeling guilty for something that wasn't your fault and wasn't within your realm to control. As far as the argument, again, you two should use it to move on and change your behavior. Learn to communicate with each other. You two have something special here. You worked side by side for three years in a stressful, dangerous job. Because of the stuff you deal with, you need support from someone who understands what you're going through. Don't worry about mistakes you've made in the past. Use them to learn and move forward."

Kensi and Deeks nodded and timidly glanced at each other. This was certainly new territory for them.

"Now, I think that was enough for today. Later on if you two feel like you'd like to do this again, we can definitely do that. Deeks, I will see you in a couple days. Kensi, thank you for being here."

They all stood up and Nate was the first to leave the room. Kensi and Deeks turned toward each other. She felt strange. There was a huge burden lifted off her shoulders, but on the other hand, things were different now. What they shared with each other will change them. He had admitted that he regretted pushing her away. She had admitted that she felt responsible for his capture. And they finally talked about their fight. She had really wanted to talk about the kiss that stopped it, but not here, not yet. She remembered the first time she saw him after he resigned when she mentioned it, how he said he didn't know who that guy was anymore. She wanted to give him time. Now, as they stood facing each other, she didn't know what to say or do.

And then she heard him speak softly. "Kensi..."

Her uncertainty was gone. She immediately stepped forward and threw her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. He embraced her and held on tight. They didn't say anything at first and then a dam broke in Kensi. All the emotions and fears and pain of the past few months hit her all at once and she sobbed as he held her. She hated being this vulnerable, especially in front of other people, but she was beyond the point of caring right now. She had been so afraid that she had lost him, she had felt guilty for the pain he endured, she had felt isolated from him and she couldn't hold that back anymore. He held her as she cried, not having to say anything.

Finally, she was able to calm down and pulled away to look at him. He smiled at her and she felt a peace that she didn't think was possible.

Then his sweet comforting smile turned into a something a little more playful. "First sharing our feelings and now you're crying? Kensi Blye, are you turning into a girl?"

Kensi burst out laughing and couldn't stop. She laughed so hard that she started crying again. Deeks laughed with her and hugged her again. She had been so reluctant to go through with this because she know it would be difficult. Now, the relief she was experiencing almost made her delirious. Laughing with him felt wonderful. She couldn't remember the last time they laughed together.

"Uh, look at me. I'm a mess. I'm sorry for crying all over you."

"That's what I'm here for."

"Okay. So I guess after today, no more terrible communication skills?

"Yeah, I guess so. No excuses now or else Nate will make us have more therapy sessions together. Crying and sharing feelings and all that stuff you hate."

"Yeah, I do hate this, but I'm really glad we did it."

"Me, too."

Kensi saw something in his eyes that she couldn't get herself to name. They were still holding on to each other, looking at each other. The relief she felt was turning into something a little more intense, a little more heated. She shook her head slightly, as if to clear her mind.

"Well, I guess I should get back to work." She slid her hands down his arms as he let go of her. She stopped at his hands and gave them a little squeeze before stepping back. "How about you call or text me later and we'll make plans for something?"

"Sounds good, as long as it doesn't involve crying."

She laughed and headed for the door.

"Kensi?"

She turned towards him. "Yeah?"

"You have no idea what this meant to me."

She gave him a small smile. "Same here."

 


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a long day. Kensi had been working without a partner for almost two months and it was exhausting. Over the course of three years, she had built something with Deeks that she had grown to depend on. It was a hard fought battle, but they had learned to trust each other. She didn't feel as afraid entering an uncertain place knowing he was with her. Even if she was outnumbered and there was no way out, she knew he would be on his way to bail her out. She had lost track a long time ago of the number of times that he saved her life. Now, it was challenging to do her job without him.

As difficult as it was figuring out the dynamics of the team with one less person, she didn't think she was capable of facing the idea of replacing him right now, or possibly ever. It was hard not working with him. It would be nothing short of unbearable if she had to be partnered with someone else. She was incredibly thankful that neither Callen or Hetty brought that idea up to her. However, she knew it was only a matter of time.

She would hate to admit this to anyone, but she missed everything about him, even his teasing, his jokes, his nicknames for her, his not-so innocent flirting. She missed sitting in the same vehicle as him on a stake out. She missed the way their shoulders would bump together as they climbed the stairs at OSP. She missed the way he would use humor to defuse tense situations. She missed the way he would make her angry on purpose because he thought she was adorable. She still got to see him every day, but it just wasn't the same. She missed her partner, her friend, her something more.

She still looked forward to the time they had. As she saw him everyday, her feelings for him were becoming more and more intense. At first she was able to focus on his treatment and on trying to bring normalcy to his life. But as time went on, she was finding it harder not to think about the kiss, not to think about how she felt about him, not to think about their possible future together. She wanted to bring all this up to him, but she didn't think that he was ready for that yet. She wanted to give him time to get there. Plus, she still found the idea of sharing that with him terrifying. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he wasn't ever going to be ready? What if he decided to move on? Waiting was becoming more and more difficult.

* * *

Kensi arrived home from work and noticed Deeks' car in front of her house. They had gone running together that morning and had not made plans for later on. Her front door was unlocked and as she opened it, she smelled something wonderful coming from the kitchen... and then saw Monty sleeping on her couch.

"Hello?"

Deeks appeared through her kitchen door. "Hi, I hope you're hungry. Dinner is almost ready."

"Deeks, what are you doing here? How did you get in?"

He smiled at her. "You're not the only one who can pick a lock."

She walked into the kitchen and was floored. Deeks had let himself into her house and cooked her dinner.

"We have salad, lasagna, and ice cream in the freezer for dessert."

"Deeks, this is amazing! Thank you."

"Well, actually, I wanted this to be a thank you to you. You've done so much for me... and I wanted to do something for you."

They stood there gazing at each other. She was deeply moved by this, especially since this was something the old Deeks would have done. He was always being thoughtful, sometimes while invading her privacy at the same time. This time, there was no way she could be mad at him, not even if she tried.

The timer on the oven went off, breaking the quiet of the moment. "Well, I guess dinner's ready."

"Ok, give me a couple minutes." She went to freshen up and all of a sudden started feeling nervous.  _What's wrong with me? We've been spending time together everyday. Nothing's different. Is it?_

* * *

 

Dinner was amazing. Kensi was so full that she couldn't even think about ice cream. She didn't know if it was the contentment she felt from that delicious lasagna, but Kensi was feeling bolder than usual. She brought up something that she had not brought up before.

"You know, everyone at work has been asking about you."

He chuckled slightly. "Really? They haven't forgotten about me by now?"

"Of course not."

"What about Sam?"

This was the first time Deeks had mentioned Sam's name since he left. Kensi had left this subject alone, hoping he would talk about it when he was ready.

"Yes, especially Sam."

"I don't really know how to feel about that."

"Deeks, he told me what he said to you, about doubting your character. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but... I know he would really like a chance to make things right. He knows what he said and how he treated you was way off."

"Yeah... I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him just yet. Nate wants me to. He thinks I need closure with that. I know he's right. Nate's been right about everything so far... but it's hard and it's hard to explain. I mean what I went through with Sidorov... I mean that guy was a violent criminal with a long history of hurting people to make a profit. What he did to me... I could expect that, because that was a part of who he was, a part of his business. I knew the risk I took when we went after him. But with Sam... he was suppose to be on my side and hearing him say those things about me... I wasn't expecting that. I know on our own we would probably never be friends. We're too different. But I just thought that after all we've been through that I would have earned at least some of his respect by then... I'm sorry, I don't even know if I'm making any sense."

"No, Deeks, I think I get it. Look, again, I don't want to tell you what to do. I haven't been through what you have and I'm certainly not an expert like Nate... but I think you will have to deal with Sam eventually. And when you do, I don't think you'll be disappointed."

"Yeah, I hope you're right."

"You know... after he told me what he said to you, I was furious. I couldn't believe that he would think that about you... but then I started thinking... were there things that I could've done to make you more a part of the team? Were there things that I could have done differently, you know, to show that I supported you? And I have to admit, that I haven't really been a good partner in that respect."

"Kensi..."

"No, you know I'm right. I didn't really ever support your theories, even though you were right quite a bit. I'd mock your suggestions. I wouldn't really support you when a case was important to you. Hell, I even forgot your damn birthday, for crying out loud!"

"Kensi, what is this? Again with the guilt? If you don't cut it out, we're going to have to have more therapy sessions and feelings sharing and crying. Is that what you want?"

"I just... I just wish I had been a better partner and stood up for you when I had the chance. Then maybe Sam would have seen what I see in you."

Deeks smiled and looked down. "It's not your fault for how Sam behaved."

Kensi sighed. "Well, when you put it that way, I just sound silly."

"How about a new subject: Ice cream?" He got up and pulled the container out of the freezer. "It's a new kind we've never tried before. Mackinac Island Fudge. Monty picked it out."

He brought two bowls to the table and sat back down. They ate in silence for a little while, until Kensi started feeling brave again.

"Have you thought about work? About maybe coming back to NCIS?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so. I have thought about it, but I don't know what I'd do. Every time it crosses my mind I wonder if I can handle that kind of job again. I wonder if I can keep my cool in dangerous situations."

"Deeks, you were never really that cool." Kensi hoped he would know she was joking and that she was trying to lighten his mood.

"Oh, touché."

"You mentioned Nate before. How is everything with that? I mean, I've been there with you once and that seemed to go well, but we just talked about us. How are you doing with... everything else?"

"You mean the torture?"

She flinched slightly when he said that word.

"It's... going. I mean, it's been difficult. There's no way I could be where I am now without help. I still have panic attacks and nightmares, but not nearly as often."

"I haven't noticed you having any attacks when we're together."

"Well, that's different. Things are always easier when you're around. You, uh, you help remind me of who I am."

Kensi drew in a breath and blinked rapidly. "Deeks... " she trailed off, not knowing how to respond to his kind words.

"It's the truth."

"I, uh, I hope I'm not bothering you with all this talk about work and Sam and Nate and everything."

"No, it's fine. I have to face it at some point. And I guess it's good that it's with you. As I said, you make things easier."

"Good. I'm glad we're talking about it. You know, I've had this stuff on my mind and I have a lot of extra time to stew about these things. It's been pretty quiet at work, you know, without someone there constantly bothering me with their never-ending chatter."

Deeks smiled. "You miss me that much?"

Kensi laughed and then thought about how to answer. She decided to go with sincere and honest. "Actually, yeah, I do. A lot."

"So you're thinking about me outside of the shower, too?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You're an idiot."

Deeks' face looked serious, although he was still smiling.

"What? What's the matter?" Kensi asked.

"Well, you haven't called me an idiot in a while... and I know this is weird, but it was... nice. It was like old times."

"Deeks, I'll call you an idiot anytime you want!"

* * *

 

They cleaned up the kitchen together. Kensi found it strangely comforting, doing something so normal and uneventful and domestic with him.

"I should probably go. You have to get up for work in the morning."

He grabbed the leash and attached it to Monty's collar. Kensi leaned down and scratched the scruffy mutt behind his ears.

"Bye, Monty. Thanks for bring dinner and ice cream."

Deeks laughed as Kensi stood up. He reached for her hand, interlaced their fingers and squeezed.

"Thank you for everything, Fern."

Kensi smiled and blushed slightly.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing... it's just... that's the first time you've used one of your silly nicknames for me since... well, it's the first time in a while."

He smiled back at her and wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her close. She drew her other arm around his neck and held on. She was amazed at what a simple hug with him did to her. The warmth from his body, his familiar scent, the way his breath felt again her neck. Kensi didn't want it to end. She started to feel his thumb lightly trace a line up and down her hand. His touch made her heart race. She turned her head and place a soft kiss on his stubbled cheek.

Before she could pull back very far, he had turned his head towards her, his face inches from hers. The next thing she knew, he was slowly moving closer. Kensi couldn't believe this was happening. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she anticipated what was going to happen. He gently pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and brief, but it left Kensi breathless. When he pulled away, he locked eyes with her and smiled. For the first time in months, Kensi saw glimpses of her old partner that she feared were gone forever. He seemed mischievous, flirty, and maybe even happy.

"Uh... that was... nice." Kensi could barely formulate a complete thought, still flustered by that kiss.

"Just nice?" he teased. He was still holding her hand, stoking it with his thumb. His other hand was at the small of her back, anchoring her close to him. "I guess I'll have to do better next time."

Kensi shook her head and smiled. "I guess you will."

He kissed her one more time on her forehead.

"I'll see you tomorrow... Fern."

"Good night."

He opened the door and walked out with Monty. He didn't let go of her hand right away, pretending he was going to pull her out the door with him. They both laughed before letting go of each other. He gave her one more look back before leaving. She shut the door and leaned up against it, grinning.

Her heart was soaring. She was still smiling as she raised her hand to her lips, as if she could still feel his kiss. She had been so scared so many times that she had lost him forever, first when she found out he went missing along with Sam. Then even after they rescued him, when he no longer seemed to be the man she grew to... care for. And now, she looked back at the progress he's made and even though she knows he's got a ways to go, she's happier than she's been in a long time. That kiss was a promise, a promise that their "thing" was finally starting to move in the right direction. She allowed herself a moment to imagine what this could mean for them: dating, moving in together, marriage, maybe even those little ninja assassins he used to tease her about.

Through much of her adult life, Kensi had not let herself think about these things. She lived her life cautiously, as if nothing was ever meant to last, as if it was not worth the risk to invest herself in someone who would just break her heart and leave. All those things that she feared (relationship, marriage, children, a normal peaceful life), now didn't seem so scary... when she thought about possibly having those things with Deeks. She found herself thinking that these things were possible... with him.

_Careful, Blye, don't get ahead of yourself. You both have a long way to go before that can happen. You two haven't even talked about your "thing" yet._

Their future was still unknown, but for the first time, she felt more hope than fear.


	6. Chapter 6

"Kensi, are you alright?"

"Huh?"

"You seem distracted."

"Uh... I just have a lot on my mind."

"You mean Marty?"

She was having dinner at her mother's house and was having a difficult time not thinking about Deeks. Kensi wasn't able to tell her mother all the details of the Sidorov case, but Julia did know that Deeks had almost been killed, that he had resigned from NCIS, that she was trying to get him help, and that he was taking up a lot of her time and thoughts.

"Yeah... him."

"How is he?"

"He's... doing a lot better."

"Well, I'm really glad to hear that."

"Yeah, but we still have a long way to go."

"We? What do you mean by we?"

"Oh, did I say we?"

Julia smiled at her daughter. "Yes, you did."

Things with her mother were not as natural as Kensi would like. After reconnecting a year and a half ago, they had made some progress but their relationship was far from typical. Fifteen years of not talking had definitely taken its toll on them. Watching the occasional movie marathon together was fun, but Kensi still found it difficult to really open up to her mother. It felt like they were still just getting to know each other. But she decided to take a leap of faith here. She had no one else to really talk to about Deeks, especially about her feelings for him.  _Alright, here is goes, this is what mothers and daughters are suppose to talk about, right?_

"Um, well, he... kissed me the other day. I came home from work and he was at my house. He had let himself in while I wasn't home and made dinner for me. It was really sweet and we had a nice time together. I feel like it was the most honest we've ever been with each other. And before he left, he kissed me good bye."

"Wow. And how do you feel about that?"

"It was nice. More than nice. Pretty great actually. You know, when he almost died, that changed something in me. I started to realize just how much he really meant to me... and that he and I could possibly have a future together... beyond that of just partners."

"Does he feel the same way?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I've been wanting to talk to him about it, but I'm trying to give him time to find his way back."

"Sounds to me like he's finding his way just fine."

"Mom!"

"I'm serious! Look, from the day that I first met Marty, I knew that you two had a special relationship, that he cared for you a great deal. When he first came to my door and needed me to leave the house with him, he seemed so unsure of himself at first, like he didn't know how to gain my trust so I would go with him. But when he talked about you, he was confident and sure of what he was saying and I knew that you meant a lot to him. And I could see that right away. Kensi, I know you can't tell me everything that happened to him, but I have to believe that he's still the same person."

"Thanks, mom. I guess I believe that, too. It's just hard waiting sometimes."

"Maybe you don't have to wait anymore. Let me ask you something. If Marty doesn't make anymore progress, if he ends up struggling with this the rest of his life, does that make any difference in whether or not you want to be with him?"

Kensi's mind instantly went to Jack. He had been struggling much like Deeks is now. She had tried everything she could think of to help him but none of it worked. Then one day, he was just gone. For whatever reason, he had decided not be with her anymore. There were so many question left unanswered, so many things that she was unsure of. But there was one thing she knew without a doubt: if the choice had been hers, she never would have left him. She would have fought along side him for as long as necessary, no matter what. And now that she's going through this with Deeks, she is even more certain in this situation. "No, it would make no difference at all."

"Well, I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like you don't really have to wait any longer. Maybe he's not as far from his old self as you think he is. Try talking to him. He may surprise you."

"That kind of thing isn't really easy for me."

"Maybe not, but is he worth it?"

Kensi took a deep breath and answered confidently. "Absolutely."

* * *

 

"Do you think we should talk about the kiss?"

Deeks was pretty stunned. They had just finished watching a movie and he had gone into the kitchen to get a couple more drinks. Kensi had chosen that moment to take her mother's advice. She followed him into the kitchen and burst out with the question before she lost her nerve.

"Um... okay... sure. Which one?"

Kensi laughed nervously. "Good question. Either. Or both. Or all of them."

"All of them? How many times have we kissed?"

"Well, I guess the first one doesn't really count, you know, when we were undercover married."

"Yeah, I guess not... but I did enjoy it, though."

"Really? You seemed more stunned than anything, like a deer in headlights."

"Still enjoyed it."

Kensi looked away, feeling embarrassed.

Deeks cleared his throat and continued. "I guess we should talk about the one during our fight, before I got captured."

"Okay."

"Um, that whole fight we had was just so stupid and I know we kind of talked about it already with Nate... but that's why I did it... because of the fight. We were just doing this awful job of communicating and getting more and more frustrated with each other and it was the first thing I thought of... I needed to say something to you that I actually meant and I was at a loss. Nothing seemed adequate and you were leaving and I had to do something before you left. And so I kissed you."

"I don't know if this is a stupid question or not, but... what exactly did you mean by it?"

"Uh... that you are the most important person in my life... that you are more than just my partner and my friend."

Kensi smiled at him. "You really mean that?"

"Yes. Without a doubt, yes."

"Um, you know... I was so angry and it started more than a week before that... with the case with Monica. That case brought up a lot of feelings that I tried ignoring, but just couldn't anymore. It bothered me that you had an assignment that I didn't know about. And it bothered me that it involved you having to get close to another woman. I have these... feeling regarding you that I've had for a while and up until then I thought I was doing a good job of keeping them under control. But after that case... I couldn't do it anymore. And I didn't know how to talk to you about it. I just was feeling worse and worse and ended up taking it out on you."

"Kens, I have to tell you that I feel really bad about that whole case. Granger told me not to tell anyone about it and I didn't question him... I just did what he said... but the trust that we have with each other... I was afraid that I had ruined it by keeping that from you. And as far as Monica was concerned... every time I was with her... every minute I spent with her... I wished I was with you instead."

Kensi could feel her face getting hot. "What about the kiss from the other day, after we had dinner?"

"That one... well, the moment just seemed right."

"Yeah, it sure did."

"Kensi, I have never met anyone like you. I don't know when or where it happened, but I know now that you are it for me. Everyone else pales in comparison. There's a reason I always tried to get you to go on vacation with me or spend holidays with me. After you came into my life, those things just felt incomplete... without you. I really think that we could have something here... something great. And I know that's what I want. But, I'm still not completely myself yet and I don't think it's fair to you if we... pursue anything while I still have this trauma over my head."

"You want to pursue things with me?"

"You have no idea. And I've wanted that for a long time."

Kensi stepped forward and cupped his face with her hands. She looked into his perfect blue eyes. She leaned up and kissed him softly. She felt him relax as he placed his hands on her hips and drew her closer. He returned the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He moved his hands to her back, gently massaging her and pulling her even closer. They separated slightly, but Kensi kept her face close to his and she spoke in a whisper.

"I don't need you to be perfect to know that I want to be with you. I already know that you are what I want."

He smiled and didn't make any attempt to move away from her. "You know you're making it really difficult for me to keep my resolve with this."

"That's kind of the idea."

He laughed. Then he leaned back slightly as he raised his hand and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I want to be with you, too," he said softly. There was that intense look in his eyes again. "I just... I need a little more time. I want to be able to focus completely on you and not worry about this trauma anymore."

"Okay. I guess I understand."

"You do?"

"I may not like it, but I do understand, Deeks. I just really need you to know how I feel and that my feelings won't change. I have already wasted too much time being afraid of being honest with you. I know I want to be with you. And nothing is going to change my mind or get in my way. Deeks... there is nothing more important to me than you."

"Who are you and what did you do with my Kensi Blye?"

"Your Kensi?!"

"You know, the Kensi Blye who liked hitting me and would call me a girl and would rather die that admit her true feelings out loud."

"Deeks, I almost lost you. And I've had a lot of time to think about that. And this is still difficult for me... but I can't let anymore time go by without you knowing how I feel and how much you mean to me."

Deeks smiled again. "I think I'm going to like this Kensi, the communication expert."

"Of course you will. You've always been more of a girl than me."

"And now this is just like old times!"

"You want me to hit you now, because I can still do that!"

Deeks just smiled and then pulled her in for another hug. They stood there just holding each other, not caring how much time was going by. The relief that Kensi experienced in this moment was beyond what she could describe. She had opened her heart to Deeks and he didn't let her down. She knew without a doubt that they were in this together. After years of dancing around each other and avoiding their true feelings and never really saying what they mean, after years of terrible communication, they were finally being honest with each other. She couldn't wait to see what their future would bring.

* * *

 

It was almost midnight when Kensi got home, but she decided to risk making one phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom. Did I wake you? I'm sorry it's so late."

"No, it's ok. Is everything okay? Are you alright?"

She heard the concern in her mom's voice. "No, everything is fine. More than fine, actually. I just wanted to let you know that I took your advice and I talked to Deeks tonight."

"And... how did it go?"

"It was incredible. I would love to talk to you about all of it later. For now, I just wanted to say thank you."

"Kensi... you sound so happy. I can't wait to hear all about it."

"Well, I'll say good night for now. And thank you again, mom."

"Good night, Kensi. And you're welcome."

 


	7. Chapter 7

Kensi walked toward her desk in the bullpen when something caught her eye. Someone was sitting with Hetty in her office... someone with a head of shaggy blonde hair. She stood there, paralyzed for a moment. Deeks. This was the first time she had seen him at OSP in months. Every day when she would walk in, the room would feel empty. She would look across the way at his desk and everything just seemed so off-balance. It was missing his presence... she was missing his presence. And now seeing him here brought her a sense of warmth and anxiety and hope and uncertainty all at the same time.

Things with him had been better than ever. They were being honest with each other in ways that they had never been before. They saw each other every day and this time together was the highlight of Kensi's day. Surfing, hanging out at the beach, watching a movie together, falling asleep on the couch in each other's arms… anything they did together was great, but something was still incomplete. Something was still holding them back. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but that wasn't happening right now. She did respect his wishes that he wasn't ready to start anything just yet, but it was difficult waiting. She knew that he was what she wanted and she was willing to do whatever it took to make this right. Despite how well things were going with him, she still missed his terribly at work.

Once she remembered how to move her legs, she walked over to Hetty's desk and caught her eye.

"Miss Blye, perfect timing. I was just about to call you over. Please, sit down."

Deeks looked up at her and smiled. She smiled back, but also gave him a confused look.

"Hi, what's going on here?"

"Well, Mr. Deeks and I were just having a conversation about his treatment with Mr. Getz. And I have to say that I am not only impressed with the progress he is making, but I am overjoyed." She turned to Deeks. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears. "You had us all very worried about you, my dear."

"I know and I'm sorry for that."

"No need to apologize. I'm just glad that you are on the right track."

Kensi was still adjusting to the notion that he was here at OSP, sitting at Hetty's desk. In a way, it felt like he had never been gone. On the other hand, she was also realizing just how much she missed him here and it was becoming overwhelming. She shook her head and tried to compose herself.

"Um... okay. So, what else have you two been talking about? I didn't know you'd be here today."

"Well... I kind of wanted to surprise you."

Kensi laughed. "Well, you succeeded."

He smiled. "Hetty and I have been talking about the possibility of me... coming back to work."

Kensi felt like all the air had left the room. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This had to be a mistake. This couldn't be happening... could it? This was beyond anything she could have hoped for right now.

"Really?" She asked softly. She blinked rapidly in an attempt to keep tears at bay, but was unsuccessful. "You're... you're coming back?"

He reached over and grabbed her hand. "Well, not completely, at least for now. I think Hetty and I have sorted out a plan for me to start on a part-time basis with minimal field work to start."

"Mr. Deeks has made some huge steps forward in the past several months, but I don't want to throw him to the wolves all at once. We'll see how this goes and then... who knows? You may be back to where you were in no time."

"Oh, and Hetty? You remember those papers you gave me a while ago?"

"Yes?" Hetty narrowed her eyes and smiled slightly at him.

"I was thinking that once I'm back up to speed, I maybe ready to sign them."

Hetty laughed. "I look forward to that day with great anticipation, Mr. Deeks!"

Kensi looked at Deeks, confused. "What papers?" she asked him quietly.

He squeezed her hand. "I'll tell you later. Promise."

"Well, I think now is as good a time as any to make the announcement to everyone else." Hetty stood up and walked towards the bullpen.

Deeks and Kensi stood and started to follow her. Kensi was still holding his hand and held him back a little.

"What's the matter, Kens? Are you alright?"

"I... I just... can't believe this. You're really come back?"

The smile he gave her made the room feel brighter. "Of course. I couldn't stay away from you forever." He let go of her, raised his hand to her cheek and gently brushed away the remaining tears on her face. "Come on. Let's go tell everyone."

When they caught up to Hetty, she had already gathered everyone.

"I have some excellent news. Our Mr. Deeks has decided to finally come back to us. Starting next week, he will be here with us working cases again."

Applause and cheering erupted in the room. Nell was the first to come up to Deeks and she hugged him. Eric was close behind and slapped his shoulder, welcoming him back.

Callen reached out, shook Deeks' hand and then pulled him in for a hug. "Welcome back, Deeks. It really is about time. I don't know how much more of Kensi's moping I could take."

"I wasn't moping!" Kensi sounded defensive, but hardly convincing.

"Whatever you say," laughed Callen. He turned back to Deeks. "I'm just glad you're back. We all haven't been the same without you."

The last person to walk up to Deeks was Sam. "I have something I need to say to you, Deeks, and I think it's something that I need to say in front of everyone."

The whole room was quiet and Sam had everyone's attention. Deeks' face didn't give away any of his thoughts or emotions. Kensi knew this confrontation had to happen, but she was still nervous for how it would go. She said a silent prayer, hoping that these two could work it out.

"I owe everything to the whole team here, but especially to you, Deeks. You put yourself at risk to save my life and you refused to give up Michelle despite what they were doing to you. You saved my life and you helped keep my wife safe. What I said about you before, about there being something wrong with your character... I couldn't have been more off base. It took me way too long to see you for what you really are: a great cop and someone who I can always count on to have my back and someone I'm honored to work with. I can't ever say enough how sorry I am for misjudging you and I hope you can forgive me... even though I know I don't deserve it."

He extended his hand. Deeks stared down at his hand for several moments and then looked back up at Sam. Finally, a smile spread across Deeks' face. He grabbed Sam's hand and then pulled him in for a hug.

"Sam, it's okay. I just want to move forward from here. We're cool."

Sam laughed. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. We're so happy that you're doing better and that you're coming back to the team. It really hasn't been the same without you."

"Boring, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. And don't believe Kensi. She was definitely moping! Seriously, man, it's great having you back."

Everyone stood around Deeks, talking and laughing and catching up. Kensi just stood there, amazed at what was happening. It felt like the last piece of a puzzle was finally found and put in place. He belonged here with them, with her. This was the last hurdle he had to overcome and here he was.

"Alright, I should get going. I'll see you guys next week. Go easy on me. I'm kind of rusty."

"Looking forward to it, man. We'll see you later," said Callen.

Kensi touched his arm. "I'll walk out with you."

"Okay." He grabbed her hand and held it as they walked towards the door.

"So, both Sam and Callen say that you're a moper and that you were inconsolable without me. That's interesting."

"Are you done? I'm about to change my mind about wanting you back if this is how it's going to be, the three of you ganging up on me all the time."

"I don't know about that. I know I'm definitely going to enjoy it. And I think you love that fact that I'm going to be bothering you at work again."

Kensi couldn't fight the smile that spread across her face. This was more than she could have ever hoped for right now. The closer Deeks got to his normal life, the more hope she had for them to be together. If he's ready to start working again, then maybe he's ready for us as well.

"So, um, what papers were you talking about with Hetty?"

"I'll tell you later. Actually, how about tonight? I kind of feel like celebrating."

"Really?"

"Yeah, for the first time in a long time. How about I pick you up after work?"

"Sounds great. Where are we going?"

"I don't know. How about somewhere nice for dinner? I may even make you wear a dress. That would be a sight to see."

"Oh come on, you've seen me in a dress before."

"True... but you've never worn one... just for me." The intense look in his eyes made her feel weak. Her face felt hot and there was a fluttering in her stomach. How could she say no that?

"Okay. You win."

"Great. I'll see you later, Fern."

He didn't even look to see if anyone was watching as he wrapped his arms around her and held on. As he let her go, he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Be prepared to be swept off your feet, darling."

"You sound awfully sure of yourself."

"Well, I happen to know for a fact that you have a thing for me!"

"A thing? You think there's a thing here?!"

"We'll see." He winked at her and walked out the door.

Kensi knew she was in trouble... and she had no problem with that at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Kensi looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Deeks wanted to celebrate with her and even asked her to wear a dress. After many frustrating looks through her closet, she decided on one that seemed right. It was black, sleeveless, and had straps accented with lace. It hugged her perfectly and ended just above her knees with the same lace along the hem. Her heels were black and simple. She left her hair down and wavy.

There was a time recently when she would have questioned why she was so anxious, but not anymore. She knew exactly why she felt this way. Things were different now. He had surprised her at work and he's starting again next week. She couldn't get the idea out of her head that this was the last thing holding him back from her.

There was a knock at the door. She took another deep breath as a thought came into her mind, that this could be one of the most important nights of her life. She managed to walk to the door without tripping over herself and she opened it. The sight in front of her made her feel shaky. He was wearing a black suit, a white shirt with the top button left undone and no tie.  _Wow_. She had seen him dressed like this before for work… but like he said earlier, he had never done this just for her. His eyes opened wide as his gaze traveled all the way down her body and the back up. Then he smiled at her and she was afraid her heart would stop beating. His cocky smile, which she once found annoying, now brightens her day. His blue eyes, which she never gave much thought to before, now she could easily get lost in them. His sense of humor, which she once found intolerable, could bring her back from the darkest of moods. She was completely wrapped up in this man in front of her and there was no cure, no going back. She was a goner and couldn't possibly be happier.

"Wow, Fern. You clean up nice. I won't get in trouble this time if I say that dress is off the charts, will I?"

"No, you won't. In fact, you'd be in trouble if you didn't say it."

"Well, it is… and you look incredible in it. Beautiful, sexy, stunning… did I say beautiful?"

She rolled her eyes, trying to look irritated and doing a very bad job of it. "Yes, you did. Thank you. And by the way, you don't look too bad either."

"You say the sweetest things, Fern. Shall we go?"

"Ready, you know… to be swept off my feet."

Deeks reached for her hand and lead her out the door.

* * *

 

The evening was perfect. The food, the wine, the candles, the company… everything was amazing. Kensi was finishing her chocolate cheesecake and Deeks just watched her with an amused look on his face.

"You sure you didn't want any dessert?"

"I'm sure. Plus, I don't believe for a second that you would have shared that with me. I probably would have gotten stabbed by your fork if I even attempted to try it."

"Probably." She licked her fork clean and gave him a heated look.

"Definitely."

Kensi loved that he knew her so well, loved that he teased her about her obsession with sweets, loved a lot of things about him.

"So, you're back."

"Yeah. I thought it was about time."

"You almost gave me a heart attack today."

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I hope it wasn't too much of a shock."

"I'll get over it. It was a nice surprise. Actually, I don't think I could have possibly gotten better news."

"I didn't want to say anything to you before… I wanted to wait until I was completely sure of my decision. I know you missed me and I didn't want to get your hopes up and then risk disappointing you."

"Well, I guess I'll let it slide this time."

"That's awfully nice of you."

"You're just lucky you came back when you did. There was a long line of agents who desperately wanted to be my partner. I was practically having to bat them away with a stick."

"Really? Is that so?"

"Yup. I could have been taken up at any minute."

"Well, I guess that's possible. You do possess the most desirable qualities in a partner. Like how you never let me drive..."

"Hey, I let you drive tonight!"

"That doesn't count. We're not working right now. This is like a date or something."

"A date... or something? Which one is it?"

"You're changing that subject, Kensalina. We were taking about what a terrible partner you are. I was also about to say that you're always interrupting me, you never let me pick the music, you're physically abusive, you have a terrible sense of humor, your laugh is terrifying…"

"Wow, you're a funny guy, you know that?"

"I've been told I'm funny. And charming. And handsome. And irresistible." He reached for her hand, raised it to his mouth and kissed it gently. "I'm not hearing any arguments from you, Fern."

"Maybe I have none." She felt heat rising in her face. He continued holding her hand, tracing a line with his thumb.

They sat in comfortable silence for several moments before he spoke again.

"There was something I wanted to tell you. You remember that paperwork I mentioned to Hetty today?"

"Yes. I was hoping you'd bring that up first so I wouldn't have to."

He laughed. "Well, it goes back a couple years. Before Hetty went to Romania and we ended up going after her, she gave me some paperwork that she wanted me to fill out. It included a letter of resignation to LAPD... and also an application to join NCIS as a full time agent."

Kensi was stunned. Her mouth dropped open and she was speechless for several seconds. "Wow. Deeks, that was over two years ago. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was pretty floored by the offer. I was honored that she thought so highly of me... but at the time, I didn't feel like I was ready to stop being a cop. I felt like it was still very much a part of who I was. I told Hetty I wasn't ready for that kind of change just yet. She told me that I should hold on to the papers until I was ready. Then, everything hit the fan when she disappeared and I honestly forgot about it for a long time."

"Well… what made you think about it again?"

"A couple reasons. One was Sam. Part of the reason I never signed them was because I didn't ever feel like he wanted me there. I didn't want to officially join NCIS if I was constantly having to prove myself to him."

"But you told Hetty you might be ready to sign the papers before you actually talked to Sam."

"I know, but I kind of knew how that would play out. Ever since we were rescued… in the back of my mind, I knew he was sorry. I knew he wanted to admit he was wrong. But I wasn't ready to deal with that at the time. There was actually a lot I wasn't ready to deal with."

"I'm really happy you two worked it out."

"Yeah, me too. I think… things will feel different, like we'll be more like an actual team now."

"Callen says we're a weird, screwed-up, dysfunctional family. I think that sounds about right."

"Yeah, it sure does."

"So, what else made you think about it again?"

"It was actually how I was treated after I was rescued. I tried everything I could think of to keep everyone away. But it didn't work. Hetty kept trying to contact me. Sam kept trying to talk to me. And then there was you. You would have broken down my front door in order to make sure I was okay. The people at NCIS showed that they really cared, that they wouldn't stop until things were made right. I didn't get anything like that from LAPD. They knew what I went through. They knew I was hurt and that I almost died. But all I got was a voicemail from Bates saying he hoped I was okay. That was it."

"Seriously, that was it?"

"Yeah. It took me a long time and a lot of work to get to where I am now. And I want to go back to work. I'm ready to go back to work. It's very important to me to be at a place where I feel I belong."

"So… you won't be Detective Deeks anymore?"

"Nope. Detective Deeks' days are numbered."

"Agent Deeks. Agent Marty Deeks. Special Agent Martin Deeks."

"You like the sound of that?"

"Yeah, I think I do. Wow, today is just full of surprises. First you're going to be my partner again. Now you're going to be an agent."

"I really feel like I know where I belong… and who I belong with."

He was still holding her hand. His fingers interlaced with hers. She felt a blush creep across her face.

"I love seeing you blush. I've actually seen it quite a bit lately."

"I guess you have that effect on me."

He smiled. "So, now that you're done inhaling that cheesecake, you want to get out of here?"

She smiled back. "Absolutely."

* * *

Deeks pulled up to Kensi's street and shut the car off. They sat in silence for a bit. Kensi was feeling awkward. She wanted him to come inside with her but didn't know how to say it.  _What's wrong with you, Blye? Just say it!_

"Uh... you want to come in?"

She couldn't be mad at his suggestive smirk, not even a little. "Of course. Wait here a second."

He got out of the car and walked around to her door. He opened it and held out his hand. She didn't normally fall for this kind of chivalry, but coming from him, it was definitely working. She took his hand and he helped her out of the car. She didn't let go until she had to find her keys in her purse.

She dropped her purse on her table and turned to look at him as he shut the door. He stood there staring at her with a playful smile on his face. He slowly stepped closer, never taking his eyes off hers. When he was right in front of her, he cupped her face with his hands, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Kensi couldn't suppress the shivers going down her spine even if she tried.

"So… you never answered my question from before. Was this a date?" She asked softly. She slid her arms into his jacket, encircling his waist.

"I don't know. It sure felt like one." There was that smile again.

"Yeah, it did."

Deeks leaned down and kissed her softly. "Yeah… I think… definitely a date."

She smiled against his lips and for a while there was no more talking. Their lips came together. Deeks moved one of his hands, threading his fingers through her hair. The other made its way down to the small of her back. She drew her hands from his back, tracing a line up to his chest, gripping the material of his shirt. Kensi's head was swimming and she felt warmth spreading all over her body. Everything about this, everything about him felt amazing, felt right. For the first time, it felt like he was not holding anything back. He was pouring everything into this kiss and Kensi never wanted it to end.

Finally, she managed to break the kiss. Her hands moved up, caressing his face. She leaned back slightly and whispered one word. "Stay."

Deeks answered her by finding the zipper on the back of her dress, pulling it down.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Kensi stood in her kitchen, holding a mug of coffee and looking out the window. She had woken up very early and Deeks was still asleep. She watched him as he slept, looking so peaceful, so content. She had tried to go back to sleep but she had too much on her mind. She didn't want to disturb him so she carefully untangled herself from his arms and got up. She picked up his shirt off the floor and put it on. She pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail.

She couldn't stop thinking about him, about their date last night, about him coming back to work and joining NCIS as an agent, about their kisses and more... about their future together. This was exactly what she wanted and now that it was happening, it hardly felt real. It was as if her brain wouldn't let her believe it, like it was an amazing dream that she never wanted to wake up from.

Months ago, after he shut her up with a kiss, she wasn't able to fool herself any longer. She finally admitted to herself that he was more than just her partner, more than just her friend. She admitted that there was a reason she made him promise to never get himself killed. She was finally feeling ready to admit these thoughts and feelings to him... but then he was captured and tortured. He no longer seemed to be the man she cared for, the man she couldn't live without. For months, she struggled as she watched him suffer, not knowing how to help him. Until finally, she forced herself back into his life. It hadn't been easy and most times she had no idea what the hell she was doing, but every moment she struggled with him was worth it, because now they were right where they belonged.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice him approaching until he was right behind her. She was startled as he slipped his arms around her waist.

"Good morning, Sunshine. I didn't mean to sneak up on you." He whispered against her neck, leaving a trail of gentle kisses up to her ear.

"Good morning. You could have gotten yourself hurt doing that. Me being a specially trained federal agent and everything." She put her mug down on the counter and ran her fingers along his arms at her waist. She leaned her head back to give him better access to her neck.

"Specially trained? Really? I'm pretty sure a band of pirates could have easily broken in here and stolen all your stuff and you wouldn't have noticed. You seemed a million miles away." He spoke against her neck and continued kissing her between words. His soft lips, his scruffy face, his warm breath... he was really making it difficult for her to form a complete thought.

"I was... uh... thinking about us."

"Us? What about us?"

"You know, our thing."

"Right, our thing. So... how do you think our thing is working out?"

She laughed shyly. "I think... it's working out just fine."

"Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I'd say we figured it out quite skillfully."

She laughed softly, almost a giggle. "You got that right. I was pretty amazing last night."

He laughed. "Yeah, you were. You're amazing at many things... but your sense of humor still needs work."

"Deeks, shut up!" She was unable to say this without smiling.

She could feel him grinning against her skin. "I don't think you really want me to do that. I think you love the sound of my voice."

"No, I think that's you."

He laughed again. "You know... I was afraid everything from last night was just a dream... a very good dream... when I woke up alone." He was still kissing her neck.

"And you didn't notice that you weren't in your own bed, Detective?"

"That was my first clue."

She laughed and turned around in his arms. He only had his boxers on and his hair was messy. He looked adorable and sexy. Kensi could definitely get used to seeing him like this every morning from now on. She placed her hands on his chest, enjoying the feel of his bare skin as he held her close.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

He leaned towards her, resting his forehead on hers. "Don't worry about it, Fern. What you should be apologizing for is wearing my shirt like that. It's officially ruined for me. I can't ever wear it again after seeing how good it looks on you."

"Oh, come on. You looked pretty good in it last night."

"Pretty good?! I looked incredible last night. You, however, look gorgeous beyond words."

Heat was rising in her face. She didn't think she would ever get used to hearing him say things like this. She was not naive. She knew she was attractive. They used her looks on many occasions at work to get what they wanted from a witness or a suspect. But for some reason, hearing Deeks say it made it special... made it real.

"There was something I wanted to say to you last night... but we kind of got distracted..."

He smiled. "Yeah, you were pretty distracting."

Kensi's heart started beating faster. She bit her lower lip and took a deep breath to steady herself.  _This is it, Blye. This will change everything._  "Deeks, I... I love you."

A serious look crossed his face, but lost none of his warmth and charm.

She continued. "You mean everything to me. When I thought I was going to lose you... I couldn't lie to myself anymore. You are the most important person in my life. I love you."

For several moments, he said nothing. His intense blue eyes were never wavering from her. The corners of his mouth turned up into a slight smile. He brought one hand up to her face, stroking her cheek. She drew in a deep breath, savoring the perfection of this moment with him. And then it got even better.

He cleared his throat before speaking. "Kens, I love you, too. You saved me in more ways than one. I would have self-destructed if you hadn't dragged me back to life. I owe you everything and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me."

She smiled as she slid her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. "I've, um, felt this way for a while. It shouldn't have taken almost losing you for me to stop kidding myself."

"Don't worry about that. I'm still here, and you're still here, and from now we... " He leaned down and kissed her softly. " ... will figure out our 'communications skills' together."

She smiled against his lips. "I really, really like that plan."

"Although... I really don't appreciate you one-upping me by saying it first. I kissed you first and you just had to be the one to say I love you first."

"Hey, I think I was the one who kissed you first! Have you forgotten about Melissa and Justin?!"

"You said yourself that one doesn't count."

"And you said that you still enjoyed it."

"Oh, Touché."

"Touché, indeed."

"You know, I'm still not convinced that you know how to use that word correctly."

She leaned forward and kissed him, not holding anything back. He loved her and she loved him. This moment could not get any better. Then he brought his hands up and began unbuttoning his shirt she was wearing.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking my shirt back."

"I thought you said it looks better on me."

"It does, but it looks even better off of you."

* * *

 

Kensi was sitting at her desk when she heard a familiar voice from down the hall. It was a voice that belonged here, that had been missing for far too long. _Deeks_. He had been singing to himself as he entered the building. This was yet another thing about him that she once found annoying and now she absolutely loved. A smile spread across her face and she looked up. It was his first day back to work and seeing him walk into the room with his bag over his shoulder and a mischievous smile on his face made her heart soar. He stopped in front of her desk and gazed down at her.

"Good morning... partner."

It didn't seem possible, but her smile grew even more. "Welcome back, partner."

"Well, Sam, it appears like you and I don't matter at all. These two only have eyes for each other." Callen got up from his seat, walked over to Deeks and shook his hand. "Good to have you back, Deeks. You ready to catch some bad guys?"

"Absolutely. Be gentle with me though. I'm pretty out of practice."

"You'll do fine."

"So, no need to come up with a safe word?"

"Deeks, I swear, if I hear you yell 'noodles' you'll wish you stayed away from here!"

"Come on, Callen. Can't you take a joke?" Sam had gotten up from his desk and was taking his turn to shake Deeks' hand. He gave him an affectionate pat on the back as well. Kensi could tell by Deeks' face that this meant a lot to him. Sam had once associated his sense of humor with a lack of character. Now he was sticking for him because of it. She looked at her team, her family and she was overwhelmed. The four of them them could not be more different from each other, but they certainly belonged together.

"Well, Mr. Deeks. Here you are. I am glad to see you found your way back." Hetty seemed to appear out of nowhere and Nate was right behind her.

"I wasn't gone that long. I remember where this place is."

"That's not what I meant."

Deeks smiled warmly at her. "I know. I'm glad I found my way back, too."

Hetty narrowed her eyes at him and smiled. "Cheeky."

Kensi had stood up to give Nate a hug. "Are you joining us for a case today?" she teased.

"Laugh it up all you want, Kens. I know you miss me. I was actually here to say good bye to everyone. I've been reassigned and I'm leaving town tomorrow."

They all said their good-byes to Nate, except Deeks, who seemed to be at a loss for words.

Nate extended his hand to Deeks. "Take care of yourself. You know how to reach me if you need anything."

Deeks took Nate's hand and pulled him in for a hug.

"I can't even begin to say how much I appreciate what you've done for me."

"I know. I was happy to do it. This wasn't just an assignment or a job for me. You're my friend, Deeks, and I still consider you all to be my family. I'm just glad that you're on the right path and that you're back where you belong."

"Thanks, man, for everything."

"You're welcome. And remember, call if you need anything, anytime."

"I will."

Nate said one more good-bye to everyone and then left. Hetty turned toward the team. "Well, I think now is as good a time as any to get back to work. Everyone up stairs. Mr. Beale and Miss Jones have a case waiting for us." She turned and made her way up the stairs.

The four of them stood together in silence, sharing glances and smiles. Kensi was sure they all were thinking the same thing: it's good be back together. Then she caught Deeks' eyes and held his gaze, probably for longer than she should have. Next thing she knew, Callen had cleared his throat loudly.

"Uh... is there something strange... or different... going on here that we should know about?" Callen looked from Kensi to Deeks and waited for a response.

Sam piped up as well. "Yeah, is there something you two want to tell us?"

"Nope," answered Deeks, smiling at Kensi and locking eyes with her. "In fact, everything is just as it should be."

"Yup. Everything." Kensi didn't even try to hide the blush that rose to her face as she returned his gaze.

Callen shook his head. "Alright. If you say so. Well, let's get back to work."

Sam and Callen headed for the stairs, leaving Kensi and Deeks alone in the bullpen.

"So... should we tell them?" asked Deeks, once they were out of earshot.

"No, they already know."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely. Callen is almost as sneaky as Hetty."

"Yeah, and we know for sure that Hetty already knows."

"Um, and how do we know that?"

"Oh... um... you know, sunshine and gunpowder and... you know what... I'll tell you later."

"You know, you're adorable when you're flustered like that?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you are. Anyway, we just need to make sure we're professional when we're at work."

"Does this mean no fooling around in the burn room later on?"

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"I didn't hear you say no."

She rolled her eyes and smiled, realizing that it was impossible to even act annoyed. His sense of humor, his teasing, his inappropriate banter, his not so innocent flirting, his dazzling smile - all this made up the man she loved. She grabbed his arm and steered him toward the stairs. "Come on, Agent Deeks, you heard the boss. It's time to get to work."

" You know, I'm not Agent Deeks yet."

"I know... but you will be soon. And I really like the way it sounds."

"Alright. Whatever you say, Agent Blye."

As they climbed the stairs, side by side, their shoulders bumped together. Kensi knew without a doubt that Deeks was right. Everything was just as it should be.

**~The End~**


End file.
